The way that humans behave with each other often has communicative properties, even when they aren’t speaking. Even when humans are speaking, most of what they say to each other is non-verbal (tone, expression, etc.). In other words, we use our behaviour to ask others to help us with things we can’t do alone or by ourselves.
Think of it this way. What could an infant having a tantrum in a store be communicating? It could be that they are hungry. It could be that they are ready to leave. It could even be that they don’t feel well and need comfort from someone else. This leads to one of the hard things about communicating, which is; others don’t always hear what we are trying to say.
What Are You Trying to Tell Me?
How can we tell what someone is trying to say if they can’t speak? Really, it isn’t very different from speaking, but it can be a lot harder to “hear” when others don’t speak. One trick is to look at the response that stops a person’s behaviour.
That can be a bit confusing so let’s look at an example with speech. With typical, spoken communication, if someone calls your name and you respond, the person tends to stop calling your name, because you responded. Imagine if someone called your name and you didn’t respond. What might happen? The person might call your name more loudly, they may get nearer to you, and they may try to get your eye contact. If any of those other behaviours gets your attention, they will probably stop.
Let’s look at the same situation without speech. If someone starts to stomp and grunt they may be trying to get your attention. If you don’t respond, they may grunt and stomp more loudly, or they may get closer to you. They may try tapping you or grabbing you. If you finally look at the person and say, “What do you need?” and they stop, then they were probably trying to get your attention.
Let’s look at one more example without speech. You are talking to a friend and the person you are with starts to fidget and grab at your phone. If you just keep talking, they may become louder, more insistent, or just walk off. They probably aren’t trying to bug you, they may be bored or looking for something to do while you talk.
A Very Brief Look at Functions
The trick to understanding what people are “saying” with their behaviour is to find out what the person is trying to get with their behaviour, what those in ABA call a “function”. In ABA, we look at what happens right after a behaviour to figure out why the behaviour happened. People have complex needs but they can all be fit into 4 broad categories of needs (or functions) and if one of these happens right after a behaviour, it might be why the behaviour happened. First, let's look at the things that can happen after a behaviour;
Accessing Items or Activities
The person is able to access something they can feel, eat, or use. An example is buying movie tickets so that you can access the activity of watching a movie.
Accessing Social Attention
The person does something so that other people will engage with them. An example is telling a funny story or calling an old friend to chat.
Accessing a Sensation
The person does something because of the sensation it produces. An example is clicking a pen, tapping a foot, or twirling your hair
Escaping Something Unpleasant
The person does something to get out of, or avoid, something unpleasant to them. An example of this is driving the speed limit and following all traffic laws so that you do not get a ticket, which is unpleasant
When Words Fail Us
People we encounter do not always have the skills needed to communicate their needs. A person like this cannot tell you that they need to eat, or that they want some attention, or that they need help to do an activity they enjoy. So how do people that don’t speak learn to communicate? If there is no plan what often happens in cases like this is that the person does something (yells, cries, stomps, etc.) that ends with a need being met, so they become more likely to do the same thing again the next time they have that need.
It can be confusing so here is an example. A child that cannot speak begins to stamp their foot and grunt loudly while standing in the kitchen. Their mother comes over and says “it’s okay, what is wrong?”, but the person can’t respond so they keep stomping and grunting, maybe even getting louder or more intense. The mother wants to stop the grunting and stomping so she gives the child some food and comfort. If the child was hungry, or wanted attention they would likely stop grunting and stomping when their mother gave them food and comfort, but they will be more likely to stand in the kitchen and stomp and grunt the next time they are hungry or want attention.
So What Now?
So what do you do about it? Knowing what a person is trying to get, or “say” with their behaviour lets you make sure they get it only for doing what you want. Let’s look at it practically with our prior example. Since we see that the child grunting and stomping their feet results in food and attention, we can make a plan to teach the child how to ask for food and attention first thing in the morning and before meal times.
This can look a lot of ways. You could have a small packet in the kitchen filled with pictures of different food items that the child can select and bring to you. You could teach the child sign language for “food” and “hug”. You could even teach the child to come and tap your arm a certain number of times to indicate food. The idea is to find out what the person wants and then teach them to ask for it in a way that they can easily do.
Hopefully this article will give you some ideas about communication and some strategies for figuring out what others are trying to tell you. Look at what happens right after a behaviour for help in figuring out why it happens and remember that knowledge is power; the more you know about a person, their strengths, weakness, likes and dislikes, the better you can help them.